| 2009: A Web Odyssey |
[Feb. 9th, 2009|11:20 pm] |
Been doing quite a bit of web work of late. I started the year creating a website in order to practice valid HTML/CSS and have something new for my portfolio, but that was interrupted by a freelance web project that came up a couple weeks ago.
A car parts company in Uxbridge is redeveloping their existing website and I got involved in it as a favour without really knowing what it was about. It turned out to be a massive e-commerce project that is pretty messy and way beyond my ability so I've mainly been helping them develop concepts for the sites appearance. I think my contributions over now, and I'm still not sure if it was paid freelance work or unpaid work experience (the whole thing was pretty unclear), but I suppose it was worth doing regardless. Some of the concepts I came up with:
The first one is deliberately loud and busy, but I was quite pleased with it. The second one is smarter and by far my favourite, but the third is pretty last minute and so dull and generic that I can barely stand to look at it. Still, the only website I currently have in my portfolio is Cinema Central and thats a lot worse. I've also discovered that I have no idea what to do with the design of website headers.
At the moment the concepts are just images, but I'll probably code them into proper templates after first finishing off the personal site I was working on before. Hopefully this sort of productivity will result in a web job of some kind, but that may be optimistic. |
|
|
| As Only Celluloid Can Deliver... |
[Aug. 23rd, 2008|04:26 pm] |
Taking inspiration from the journal of ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) tralaz I have prepared the following quiz. The rules are as follows:
1. Pick 10 of your favorite movies
2. Go to IMDB or some such and find a quote from each movie
3. Post them here for everyone to guess
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie
5. No googling, using IMDB search, or other search functions
* I'm telling secrets to the one guy you don't tell secrets to. - Almost Famous, tralaz
* I am not wasting one more minute of my life on prayer. Not one more minute. Understood? - Signs, tralaz
* Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you keep open a line for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both. I'm a celebrity in an emergency!
* They are all freaks! Not one of them under five foot six. What kind of theater is this?
* Oh, fuck it, I don't have to talk, either, man! See how you like it. Just total fuckin' silence. Two can play at that game, smart guy. We'll just see how you like it. Total silence.
* I don't believe I have to be loyal to one side or the other. I'm simply asking questions
* Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.
* Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood.
* Well hello Mister Fancypants. I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things, right now: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.
* Oh, he's an imbecile, probably from birth. Man's a complete idiot... Pray to God he's an idiot. |
|
|
| One Step 4ward |
[Apr. 11th, 2008|09:59 pm] |
Today was quite interesting for a change. I went to Channel 4 for a day of assessment after applying for a new media design assistant placement as part of 4talent. The three month job would involve assisting the design team in web projects, taking on a complete design project of my own and spending a week at a different design agency working with the channel in order to gain industry experience and technical skills. In addition there would be training seminars and involvment with other departments making it a lot better than regular placements plus pay to the equivalent of 15k a year. It’s aimed at those who already have skills in the Adobe Creative Suite and HTML as well as prior design training and experience creating for the web, so it all seems pretty relevant to my position. Two people who did it last year now work for the channel full time so it may also have good future prospect.
Taking a rare opportunity to boast, there were hundreds of applications for the role and these were narrowed down to six people including myself who took part in the assessment. Interestingly everyone seemed to be in a similar position, having graduated a year or two ago from a Multimedia or Graphic Design degree, but still floating around doing short term stints with no long term employment. I was reading the other day that over 1/5th of graduates go through this kind of thing, and they are more likely to be clinically depressed than people with unfulfilling careers who didn’t go to University. Makes sense really. A donkey that has never seen a carrot is likely to be happier than a donkey that had one and then lost it. I miss the carrot.
All that said, the competition was clearly of high calibre and there were no dud candidates. This concerned me slightly as I recall a poker theory stating that, “If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker”. I think though that we were all evenly matched (based on absolutely no knowledge of their technical or creative skill), so it seemed like our performance in the assessment activities would have a genuine impact.
The Channel 4 building itself was pretty cool; certainly different to the buildings I usually frequent. Almost every room and hallway is formed from glass and steel, like a slick futuristic world of some kind …though I never felt I was in the future, or indeed slick.
Getting back to the point, the first activity of the day was the most interesting. As a group we were given the synopsis for a fictional film about an alien invasion on a South London estate and we had to come up with a website concept to market it. This was then pitched to Channel 4 staff from film4 and new media, as well as a group of applicants who were undergoing similar assessment for a film4 placement. Memories of Leon Cruickshank workshops came to mind, but it was enjoyable and I didn’t humiliate myself, so I consider it a success.
After the presentations everyone mingled over several platters of free food, most of which I couldn’t identify, and I then went for a standard two on one interview. It was however more interesting than usual because they asked me about my favourite C4 shows, which provided me with the rare opportunity to spill my fanboy guts over The Sopranos and Peep Show in a context that wasn’t entirely meaningless. I went on to criticize Hollyoaks afterwards, which doesn’t seem like a wise thing in reflection, but one interviewer seemed to share my opinions and I did admit to watching it which should count as some form of appreciation. I also ended up talking about that guy who had a huge tumour for a face. Exactly the kind of thing dynamic media types should be talking about.
The final activity of the day was a series of three writing tests. The first presented a Channel 4 job description full of spelling and grammar errors, which we were asked to identify and correct. What a bitch I thought, surely they know computers can solve such problems in this age of whizzing data and hyperactive megachips. The other two questions were more predictable; one asked about how we would spend our time during quiet work hours and the other wanted three interactive feature ideas for the Hollyoaks website. Had I not been a regular viewer of Hollyoaks I think this question would have screwed me, so I guess this makes me one of very few people whose soap addiction has actually had a constructive impact.
The day ended with the C4 people explaining that five of us were going to fail, and I think my chances depend on how badly the other candidate’s interviews went. I will be lucky to get the position, but even if I don't get it they said they would provide complete feedback on my performance so I should learn something. The strange thing is that I never felt any sense of competition with these people and was sincere in wishing them luck. Perhaps because I’m a really awesome human being who puts the needs of strangers above his own, but I fear not. Just a result of the curious situation we were put in I expect.
At the end they gave everyone a goody bag, which was obviously the most exciting part of the day. My bag contained many wonderful products including:
- A fancy embossed and well printed book about 4Talent
- A less impressive brochure I already had about 4Talent
- A 4talent ballpoint pent
- A tin of jelly belly sweets
- A 2gig 4Talent flash drive
- The Deal or no Deal Family challenge interactive DVD
It would have been nice if they had surprised us with customised bags, relevant to the shows we said we enjoyed during the interview, but I suppose you can only ask for so much. I regretfully know that I will never open that Deal or no Deal box and will therefore completely waste the free gift. Anyway I will find out within the week whether or not I got the job and if I don’t you will probably never hear anything further about it, nor should you ever comment on my failure to succeed. In conclusion, assessment centres are no way near as dull as regular interviews, but the ambiguity is concerning and at least you know what to expect with companies who don’t go to so much trouble.
My Apologies to those who found this post self-indulgent, but I can assure you it was written for the benefit of your own general interest. |
|
|
| I am Reborn |
[Mar. 23rd, 2008|08:02 pm] |
I have decided to start blogging again for the good of my writing skills and mental sanity. Endless covering letters have dulled my mind and the part of my brain that sort of enjoys writing needs a less tedious place to find occasional sanctuary. So consider me reborn, on this day that we celebrate the resurrection of our lord and saviour. It will be like those rebellious University years again, where I would endlessly plague you faithful readers with any random thought I vainly felt was worth sharing. With age and wisdom this vanity has waned and as a result so has the posting, but I am determined to force its return if this means any kind of productivity.
Having just gone through some of my older entries, many of them do seem very pointless, but I do like the fact there is an online record of what I have been thinking and I am determined to make the last few empty months (or possibly years) on this blog more of a lull than a ending to my historic digital record. To ensure this actually happens will mean fighting a natural urge to remain inactive, so I will have to be even less critical than usual about what I consider blog-worthy if there is any chance at all. That said I intend to offer more trivia and web links than I used to for added entertainment, as I find I acquire a lot of these since becoming a regular visitor of digg.com earlier in the year. Posting the odd news story on someone’s Facebook wall does not seem like nearly enough shared coverage.
Of course one thing I must consider in this revival is the change in dynamic. In the old days I basically had three readers, but with these entries now being published as Facebook notes my potential audience has increased by precisely 2800%. Taking responsibility for this would mean adopting a far less personal tone and probably limiting the sort of topics I cover so as not to offend people. I have therefore decided to ignore it and continue to aim the blog at my University clique in an effort to alienate all those beloved Facebook strangers, who if reading this will hopefully consider themselves rude for virtual eavesdropping. Obviously though they should become regular readers anyway, as having a huge secret fan base seems the kind of thing that would greatly appeal to my re-embraced sense of vanity.
That’s probably enough text for today, which could have been summarised in the sentance, “I am going to start blogging again”, but there is little opportunity for philosophical sprawling with such efficiently written statements.
My internet offering for this post is www.adam-buxton.co.uk, which I know Kim already reads. Whilst I remember watching Adam & Joe from time to time, I seem to have overlooked how funny Buxton can be and his blog is hilariously awesome in places as well as being very extensive. It’s also partly responsible for the decision to start mine again and has led me to propose a theory that more blog-worthy events will happen in life if one is actively seeking content to blog about, thus leading to increased life satisfaction. I feel this makes sense, and as an added bonus it should mean become less introverted if I write here more frequently.
Come to think of it, most films and TV shows featuring therapists do include a scene where they recommend the patient keeps a diary so whilst my theory may not be completely original, it is at least reassuring that I am probably thinking intelligently.
Today’s Wikipedia sourced trivia offering is some light Easter folklore, in case you were wondering where the egg laying rabbit concept came from ...and you should be if you arn't just a mindless slave to cultural tradition:
In English, the etymology of the word "Easter" comes from an ancient pagan goddess of the spring named Eostre, related to German Ostara. According to popular folklore, Eostre once saved a bird whose wings had frozen during the winter by turning it into a rabbit. Because the rabbit had once been a bird, it could still lay eggs, and that rabbit became the modern Easter Bunny. |
|
|
| An Occasion For Bow Ties |
[Dec. 22nd, 2007|04:39 pm] |
Merry Christmas to one and all from a gentlemanly fish type creature. |
|
|
| Strange Delivery Part 2 |
[Jul. 16th, 2007|06:25 pm] |
In February I received a strange and anonymous envelope in the post. Inside it was a tiny blue model plane with no further documentation. Even stranger, the envelope featured my name and address in print along with a rare Beatles stamp and a small plane symbol. Even stranger still, it appeared to have been sent from Southampton and I don’t know anyone who has been there this year. After a detailed investigation I still have no idea who sent it or why. The original blog post about this occurrence can be found here:
http://duffywood.livejournal.com/38318.html
Now, several months later, the mystery sender strikes again! Today I received a similarly bizarre envelope in the post; a scanned image of which can be found below:
Right, lets consider the evidence:
1) As you can see, my name and address has been typed in a similar manner to the last letter, but there are also a series of numbers present.
2) Instead of a plane symbol, there is a poor quality aerial photograph of what looks like a motorway junction.
3) The sender has moved on from classic rock and has this time chosen an Egyptian themed stamp, which contains the message 'Rub fezzes with your finger to find pyramid'. I am yet to rub the fezzes, because it could release anthrax and I also want to keep the evidence intact.
4) Finally, there are postal markings in the form two rows of luminous orange lines, which were also present on the last letter. On the back is a faint ink stamp that reads:
A20403399
HMS.07.07
I don't know where to begin with analysing this evidence, but there are certainly plenty of clues. The question is whether or not these are meaningful or just appear to be when in fact they are completely random. Either way there’s only so much I can learn, which is basically nothing. I don’t know much about postal markings so if anyone has any specific information on those present here; please feel free to share it.
And now onto the more worrying part of today’s mystery…
Inside the envelope this time was a single Greek bank note to the value of 100,000 Drachma. Both sides of this note have been scanned for the image below:
The note is extremely old and frail, and very worryingly, it appears to be covered in dried blood stains. I suppose it could be ink or dyed water, but it certainly looks like blood and I guess whoever sent it was trying to give that impression. After a bit of research I have discovered that the Drachma is no longer in circulation and has been replaced by the Euro, but I decided to covert the currency to pound sterling anyway and it comes to the value of £198.66.
I don't know anyone who lives in Greece and whilst I do know a couple people who have been on holiday there this year, I find it unlikely that they would have acquired this note during their trip. Furthermore, they are not the kind of people likely to send such a thing.
So that’s about it, no documentation, no clear message or intent, just this single bank note. One thing is for sure though; this can no longer be explained as a random gag. It appears to be the makings of a long term stalking campaign and I think it’s reasonable to expect another delivery within a few months.
Another interesting fact is that I recieved both letters after recovering from mild illness. The first came after a particularly bad cold, whilst this one arrived following a week spent in bed with some sort of flu thing. Is this a mere coincidence? Perhaps... but perhaps not.
I will finish with a quote from my last post:
“What the hell? Who sent me this? Why?”
P.S. I still highly suspect that Kim Laughton has something to do with this. |
|
|
| A Kouple Krappy Kaptures of my Kingdoms Kapital |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|05:22 pm] |
Didn't really intend to take any photos, but thought I would go the extra mile for these high quality and totally original snaps. Went to Harrods for shopping, but tour de france business made everything crazy. Although I did see some of the cyclists so I can now cross 'see tour de France' of my list of things to do, even if it was never on there to begin with. I highly recommended Gauchos, which was near oxford circus. The steak was delicious, even if the place did somewhat outclass me. |
|
|
| An Evening of Good Music |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|04:32 pm] |
Last night I was at the Royal Albert Hall for about three hours listening to the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra conduct film scores, in a one performance a year show called Film Harmonic. It was pretty awesome if you are into that kind of thing. I had never seen a live orchestra before, let alone one so renowned and the amazing quality of the sound aside, it was interesting to watch the conductor and the way the different musicians synch together in their movements. For some time I was in awe on the orchestra as a system and was contemplating the display in a very Cockettesque way.
The shear perfectionism was also very impressive, yet for all their hard work, not one of the musicians could crack a smile. They were reluctant to even stand up during applause when the conductor spurred them to do so, and often it seemed they only did so as not to embarrass the guy. I was genuinely confused by this. The conductors were always smiling and bowing away, but everyone else just looked miserable. Is it unprofessional to show gratitude in the music circuit? A common practice I’m too uncultured to understand? Perhaps, but regardless of the reason, it still wouldn’t hurt to show some respect for the crowds appreciation.
John Williams was seventy-five this year, so in his honour of that they put in a lot of his scores. This was good, as the renditions of his scores were among the best played and they are also some of the best around anyway. The For your viewing and listening pleasure I have provided a list of the scores featured in the performance, with many titles being direct links to the download of the original score. You may notice a couple obscure titles in the list. This is because the show had several special guest conductors, who were conducting their own scores.
Mission Impossible – Main Theme
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest – Jack Sparrow
Out of Africa - Concert Suite
Arsene Lupin – Concert Suite
Flood – Title Song
Gladiator – Main Theme
E.T. – Flying Theme; Finale
Indiana Jones: Raiders of The Lost Ark – The Raiders’ March; End Credits
Chariots of Fire – Main Theme
Star Wars – Main Theme
‘Once Upon A Dream Parade’ Medley – Excerpts from various Disney Films
Superman – Main Theme
Jaws – Main Theme
The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes – Violin Concerto: Second Movement
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of The Ring – Main Theme
Dances With Wolves – The John Dunbar Theme
The Great Escape - Main Theme
Jurassic Park – Suite
Rocky – Main Theme
The Rocky theme was a nice final touch which was not mentioned in the concert program. Jurassic Park was a better finish and it did mark the end of the concert, but after all the applause they broke into Rocky as a light-hearted way to exit. The orchestra encouraged clapping to its beat, their first acknowledgment to the audience during any performance, and whilst this represented the lowest point of sophistication that evening, it was quite a cool thing to hear the entire hall clapping in unison.
Talking of sophistication, it was hard to judge how dignified an occasion it was. Half the people seemed dressed up, treating it as a classical music performance whilst others were very casual and all about moving their heads to the music. Similarly, the evenings host was very eloquent and talked a great deal about instruments and the orchestras involved in the scores, but also let loose some very low brow wise cracks from time to time about the films involved. I suppose therefore it was either a very casual evening for cultured music lovers, or a fairly formal occasion for the uncultured filmgoer with a love for scores, but whatever it was, it was awesome. I fully intend to go again next year. |
|
|
| It wasn't a famine, England stole all their potatoes. |
[May. 29th, 2007|09:10 pm] |
I havn't blogged in a while, so I figured I'd fill you kids in on the latest happenings in my non-data entering/scanning life. I remain consistent on that career front I’m afraid, so no news there, but I am …almost certain that my next blog post will concern either my finished website portfolio or an accepted high-flying job offer.
I went to Portsmouth on the weekend for another house party. It wasn't quite as good as the first one, but still pretty cool with crazy behaviour and a good turnout. I personally got happily drunk without going too far, and didn’t destroy anything, so as far as I am concerned it was another roaring success. That said, I did almost break my back in a spontaneous bundle and remember falling over a lot which has led to several bruises. Passing out uncomfortably on a hard floor has also left me with a rather bad memory of the whole night.
The above image is one of the only photographs I took of the city this time, and it came out blurred. Rather than make a weekend out of it, I just went for the party this time, so there were few excursions and it was too cold and wet to go happy snapping anyway. I won’t post the equally limited party photographs, which were also very blurred and they mainly just depict groups of sitting people and man on man spooning, which seemed perfectly natural within the context of the evening. I wasn't involved of course.
Yesterday I went to the Antony Gormley: Blind Light Exhibit in London with Olivepixel. Like Portsmouth it was cold, dark and raining so I didn't take any photographs. But it was good to see London again in this clichéd fashion and the exhibition was cool. It is well worth going if only to walk around in the glass room full of steam, which I suspect is intended to give a feeling of isolation, in that you only have a hazy 2 feet of visibility inside. You can’t see your own legs let alone the walls or entrance. What makes it exciting though is hearing the other people talking around you and every so often seeing a person come into view, just as you are about to walk into them. It is also fun trying to find the edges, and seeing the people outside looking in at you. Do note your hair will be soaking afterwards and for a while it was quite claustrophobic.
Later we arcaded it up at Trocadero where I won at video poker and possibly beat Mr. Laughton at Outrun 2 several times. The previous photograph is of a monkey I won on a grabber machine, which I really didn't want. I guess I didn't expect to win, but I do then wonder why I paid to try in the first place, especially given the predicted discomfort in carrying it all the way back to Iver Heath. Perhaps just for the thrill of grabbing.
In sadder news, the aerial on my mobile phone broke off. Most would take this, along with the generally poor condition of the thing, as a sign they should purchase a new one, but not me. I just taped the bastard up, and now it’s as good as new. I will not be intimidated by the planned obsolescence that evil phone designers force into their products. I have had this phone since before I started University and I am still content….well, not really, the battery lasts about a day and it doesn’t even have colour, but I have far more important things to spend my money on than a new phone that I’ll hardly use.
In much better news I finally obtained a copy of Rolling Stone Magazine #970, the Hunter S. Thompson memorial issue released in 2005, which is sold out and one of few back issues not available to purchase from Rolling Stone directly. I was therefore forced to brave the auctions of e-bay to get the magazine, where luckily one or two copies of it seem to float each month, in varying condition. The first copy I placed a bid on was sealed and in mint condition, but it got too expensive. The $3.95 issue eventually sold for $147, and its not even two years old! That’s how awesome Hunter S. Thompson is. Luckily for me, someone auctioned another copy a few weeks later with a buy it now price of $20, which I jumped at like the elusive Victorian super villain Spring Heeled Jack. It’s a shame there aren’t more flamboyant villains like him around these days. Anyway the magazine wasn’t sealed, but it was in perfect condition as show above.
I bought the magazine because I wanted to read it, but knowing it might actually be valuable is also very interesting and I shall look after it dearly. It features several tribute articles form the likes of Jack Nicholson and Johnny Depp, along with rare photographs, interviews and what not to make fanboys like me go giddy. I have said it before, but most of you don’t listen to me, so I will repeat myself in telling you that Hunter S. Thompson is in my opinion the finest journalist of the last century. Anyone interested in creative approaches to journalism or American hippy/drug/political culture in the late 60’s – early 70’s should read his stuff. It’s interesting, thought-provoking and hilarious.
That’s about all the news I can think of for now. On Friday I go to London again for this, which I have been looking forward to for some time. I also found the trailer for He Was A Quiet Man the other day, which for some reason I find very compelling and I have a good feeling about the film. I am very into this cult style films that won’t be fantastic, important or particularly successful, but which are just small scale creative ventures and not solely made to turn a buck. This article I read earlier about facebook is also funny. |
|
|
| Violence Begets Violence |
[Mar. 25th, 2007|02:39 pm] |
I went to see 300 last night with somewhat low expectations. The comic was excellent in visuals and structure, but its plot was extremely thin so I was really only going to enjoy the action sequences. As an adaptation it was very good, material was added (the biggest corruption being the introduction of fantasy creatures) but the film stayed more or less true in narrative and atmosphere to the comic. This does not mean it was as good as the comic however.
Whilst the CGI was impressive, you quickly take it for granted and what you are left with is numerous repetitive action sequences that lose any energy through the constant use of slow motion. There are some cool shots from time to time, but they are drowned in a sea of other not so impressive shots that utilise the same techniques. In addition to this the violence is underwhelming because it’s almost all virtual. Perhaps worst of all though, the climax seemed poorly built and I didn’t really care for the characters which was a shame. It does feel like you are watching a novice trying to capture the greatness of Frank Millers vision rather than just seeing the comic in a different media context.
However, for all its faults the film is still quite fun and certainly quite different to most action films. It is style over substance, but there is still plenty of style, and Frank Miller style is awesome. Whilst it does over-use certain editing techniques, it is also competently made and the pacing is far better than it was in Sin City. It doesn’t even attempt to capture the time period and as Empire concluded, it does seem a lot like a long music video, but I will probably buy the DVD because I am a fan of the comic, and this film is very reminiscent of it.
BUT WAIT!
You should not pay too much attention to what I have said because I cannot be overly confident in my conclusions about the film. Alas, the heartfelt analysis is tainted with injustice because my experience of the film was unfortuantely compromised by an event midway through the screening. Two seats across from me on my isle a middle-aged gentleman had told some noisy rude boy chav type behind him to be quiet. The chav responded with distaste for this request with predictable eloquence. I think the exact phrase was, “Shut up you fat C*nt”. The chav then continued to taunt the man in this way, which I thought was unfair because he really wasn’t very fat.
Before long the confrontation escalated. They were both standing up shouting at each other and the chav’s girlfriend was also in there, whining about something. The general theme of the argument seemed to be that they should both sit down and be quiet, but the diplomatic talents of residents from the noble town of Maidenhead tend to be somewhat poor. Rather than agree to both sit down and enjoy the movie they had paid for, they decided to start punching each other.
It was a poor fight. With the chair between them there was no reach and I don’t think either of the men got hit very badly. The middle-aged guy did however rip open the hostile youths t-shirt which rather annoyed him. After all, it did look like it was worth almost £4. This resulted in more shouting. At this point, maybe 3 minutes or so in, random people in the cinema started shouting at them to be quiet or leave. A few others down the front left go get help, and some just stood up and did nothing, except block my view of the film. Everyone still in the room was now watching the fight because it was hard not to, and they complained as they did so. One cannot ignore the irony that the whole room was angry because a real fight was distracting them from a movie they wanted to watch, featuring about 90 minutes of pure imitated violence. I did ponder whether the fight would have broken out if we were watching a Hugh Grant Rom Com. Were those political bastards right? Does film really have this much of an impact?
Whilst I considered these things, the punching continued. It then took a turn for the worse when the chavs girlfriend got in the middle and ended up being punched in the face the middle-aged fellow. I didn’t feel much sympathy for her to be honest. She was very hostile and just as rude as her cowardly boyfriend who was hiding behind her most of the time, shouting idle threats. She was also far louder than either of the men, and after that punch she wouldn’t stop shouting. The minutes rolled on and there were still no cinema attendants about. After a while almost half the room got up and left whilst a few others stood around the fight and clambered over chairs for no other reason I could make out but to see the action more closely. A couple people tried to calm down the hostiles, but they had little impact. There were still random demands from across the room that they shut up and be quiet.
After a while the chav realised he wasn’t making much of a difference with punching, and putting his best cognitive skills to use, determined that missiles would be more effective in disposing of his foe. This was not a fortunate decision for yours truly. Firstly from out of nowhere the chav threw a bottle of whisky at the guy. He missed, despite being less than a metre away, and it hit the floor of my isle. How original of the chav to be drinking at the cinema I thought. He then picked up his purchased cinema drink and threw that. This proved more successful, in that the lid came off and sprayed several isles including my own in what was clearly an alcohol laced soft drink of some kind. Perhaps Pepsi, but I can’t be sure. An irate Indian fellow in front of me retaliated by throwing his popcorn at the chav. It missed.
It had been almost ten minutes at this point and there were still no cinema attendants, which was frankly ridiculous. The fight continued, but the only reason it lasted this long was because of the strange nature of the older contender. Whilst he may have seemed noble for putting an end to this foul mouthed young hoodlum, he wasn’t at all. He would calm down and reassure people that he was ok and would watch the film, then suddenly launch an attack at the guy. He wasn’t verbally aggressive but definitely responsible for most of the physical attacks. In this way the fighting wasn’t very constant, but he kept it going.
Eventually the good people of Odeon came to our rescue in the form of the cinemas assistant manager, a lazy eyed fat geek with bad hair who couldn’t have been older than 25. He was utterly useless. He approached the middle-aged man and asked what was going on, but no one paid attention. And then when the older guy started learing towards the chav again, the Odeon employee tried to get between them and begged to the older man saying, “Don’t do this. This guy just isn’t worth it”. Well hot damn, with skills of persuasion like that this guy is clearly wasted in his chosen career path. If the chav had heard him over his whining girlfriend’s insults, he probably would have hit the Odeon employee and all hell would have broken loose.
I am not really sure what happened next. They turned the film off and the lights came on, which resulted in a bizarrely cool collective sigh from the audience. A few of the chav’s friends turned up from out of nowhere and persuaded him and his girlfriend to leave. He exited the cinema shouting out threats along the lines of, “You’re lucky I don’t slit your f*cking throat man”. The Odeon employee had achieved nothing and just left once the chav had gone.
Things calmed down fairly quickly and the middle-aged man stood up and apologised to the room in a noticeably proud way. Some people applauded him when he did this. Not me however, I thought he was just as bad as the chav. He had done most the punching and reacted badly to what was really a predictable performance from the youth, not to mention making no effort to let paying cinema goers enjoy their film. In short they all ruined the film for me and none of them were worthy of respect. Shortly after, the Odeon attendant returned and asked the man to leave because the police wanted to speak to him. They then put the film back on, but didn’t rewind it. Not much had really happened in that 10 minutes (or any other 10 minutes of the film), but it broke up the flow and for this reason I cannot be sure if the film is as poorly constructed as it seemed. It was also hard to get back into it after all this real life action.
The only real lesson from all this is that the Odeon cinema in Maidenhead is terribly unprepared for any kind of dangerous activity. I could video as many films as I like or even just plain rob the place and do so without much risk of getting caught or detained, unless I decided to take a nap before leaving. That said, the company did the right thing by us poor bastards who had gone for a peaceful evening at the local Cineplex and who instead risked life and limb by getting tangled up in a culture war of some kind. After the film ended, attendants gave each of us two free vouchers, exchangeable for adult cinema tickets at any Odeon cinema for any film, and without an expiry date. I basically made £7 pounds that evening and also got to see most of 300, but I am rather pissed off that the film experience was ruined for me. Still, I look forward to using the tickets and I now intend to find two actors willing to brawl with each other so that next time I go to the cinema and the film isn’t turning out to be very enjoyable, I can signal them to start fighting and leave with more free tickets. |
|
|
| Portsmouth |
[Mar. 14th, 2007|04:51 pm] |
Went to a house party in Portsmouth at the weekend. It was pretty crazy. Some highlights include Irish wrestling, electricians posing as plumbers, nudity, a Jack Russell, two haircuts, various breakages, a trolley, and perhaps most disturbingly of all someone had smeared feces all over the bathroom walls. This was discovered in the morning and the perpetrator is still unknown.
I maintained a high level of respectability of course, not breaking anything or embarrasing myself. Which is a good thing, if it is true. I can't be certain. I took the risk of bringing my camera and this paid off because I got quite a few shots of Portsmouth. I left out a lot of actual party shots because most of these are dull. Additionally the alcoholic haze skewed my usual professionalism in these matters, meaning most of the photos were not up to scratch.
Due to the lengthy vertical nature of many photos, I recommend pressing f11 now.
( More Photos ) |
|
|
| The devil makes work for idle thumbs |
[Mar. 7th, 2007|04:38 pm] |
Bored last night. Decided to do some drawing in pen, because I couldn't find a pencil. This is usually unproductive as I tend to draw through continually refining lines and this is tricky with pen. These drawings came out ok however, so I decided to colour them. They are a bit crude, and I have made a mess of cross hatching, but it passes the time whilst I wait for my laptop to be fixed. Not sure what my motivation was for the first one. The colours may look a bit wrong too as the Iridium screen I see them on is broken. |
|
|
| Strange Delivery |
[Feb. 4th, 2007|02:52 am] |
It is now day 6 or perhaps 7 of this bastard cold, which has rendered me far from productive over the last few days. I suppose in some ways I should be grateful. It has after all given me good reason to take a break from my usual ruthless work ethic and get back in touch with relaxation. The experience has admittedly been a trifle dull so far, but today something happened that awakened my curiosities.
I went downstairs around 6pm to get some food, and on the kitchen table was an envelope addressed to me. A photograph of said envelope can be found below:
It was light, quite small, and nothing seemed to be in it. Upon opening it I found single satchel made of tracing paper that had been folded and taped up. There was no note or anything, just this satchel. It was clear that some sort of substance was inside it, though exactly what was a mystery. At first I thought the contents to be a powder and so naturally assumed it was some sort of drug delivery. Where did it come from? I pondered. Had someone signed me up to some sort of illegal mail order drug network? Or was this just a random delivery in a brilliant new Columbian marketing scheme. There were too many possibilities, the only decent thing to do was to open the satchel and find out.
So there I stood, seconds later, unwrapping the paper as far away from my face as possible, based on my latest assumption that it contained deadly anthrax (or perhaps something more current like ground up Bird Flu infected Chicken skin) and that upon exposure a few extra cm's distance would give me that all important greater chance for survival. But to my surprise there was no powder inside, just a small blue plastic plane. A slightly out of focus photograph of it can be found below:
As it may or may not be clear, the plane is fairly detailed for its size, but there are no symbols on it, just markings representative of a fighter plane.
What the hell? Who sent me this? Why?
I assumed at first it must be from someone I know, because who else would know my address and send me something without any documentation. I looked again at the envelope, which appears to have been sent from Southhampton. I know a couple of people that USED to go to University there, but not very well, and they aren’t the types of people likely to send such a thing. Nevertheless, someone I know who is trying to do something random seems like the best explanation.
But one cannot ignore the symbol of the plane on the envelope, which is to scale with the plastic model, and theres also the typed nature of my address. Surely no one casually sending a random tiny toy plane would go to the effort to creating these markings. There would just be no point. But at the same time, what sort of organisation would send something like this without any reference to their identity. The stamps are also odd. They aren’t regular stamps, hell the Beatles are on the top, and there are many of them, all stuck on top of each other. Is this a clue?
I will be very disappointed if I never find out who sent me this and why. I have hopes that it is either a surprise token to indicate that I have won some sort of nationwide competition, or perhaps fan mail; because in the first year of University I did an assignment featuring planes and maybe someone was touched by the work.
On a final note, this did remind me of the random toy legs Kim was sent in the post. I can’t recall where those were sent from, but it could have been Southampton. I can’t see how the two incidents are related though, because he seems to keep in contact with quite a few ‘thinking outside the box’ types from whom such a delivery might not be too surprising. Most of the people I know are not so free thinking, and if they did send something, its intentions would be far more obvious.
I shall investigate further. Hopefully this cruel mystery will be solved. |
|
|
| Merry Christmas! |
[Dec. 24th, 2006|05:16 am] |
Somewhat more limited than last years multimedia effort to celebrate christmas, but Flash is just about all my computer can run. In any case, Merry Christmas to one and all. |
|
|
| Moving on. |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|10:13 am] |
A small tribute to mark the end of my current Gonzo Binge. 3 Books, 2 Movies and several Internet Clips this time around. I shall now concentrate on folklore again, until christmas at least. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 16th, 2006|08:30 am] |
In my own country I am in a far-off land
I am strong but have no force or power
I win all yet remain a loser
At break of day I say goodnight
when I lie down I have a great fear
Of falling.
- Francois Villon |
|
|
| Rocky Mountain Expressway: Amtrak dreams of better time keeping and damns those Union Pacific Perils |
[Nov. 11th, 2006|10:30 pm] |
Good God! I have returned. Back to my rotating door of a lifestyle and for the present quite happy about it. Above is one photo from my recent adventure. One of thousands. Don't expect the rest of the shots for some time, as major organisation and photoshop touch up is required before they will be ready for an audience. Even this example will surely face re-restoration. This is because I touched it up in 2 minutes with all the dedication that can be expected from a complete amateur in this business. Questions to Mr. Pie and the use of many pointless tutorials must first transcend before I can take a serious crack at the thing.
On a side note I have now gone almost an entire year with the christmas Duffywood Logo on my journal. I have always been aware I should change it, to be more representative of the summer months and such, but not one person has mentioned the insubordination to me and we are now so close to christmas again that there is no need to make such effort. Is this incomprehendable lazyness or incredible efficiency? Cases can be made on both sides. The fact that I am lazy is niether here nor there. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
